You Only Live Once

How serious can we be with ‘Live for now’, ‘Live for the moment’, ‘Treat every day like your last’, ‘You only live once’ (My fav) etc etc. I'm all for doing that but we kinda know that it is not our last.  So that arsehole of a mood that comes over us every Monday when we have to go back to work just won’t shift cause we known damn well we will most likely have to do it for the next 25 fuckin years. URGGGHHH.

Sometimes it is a useful excuse to shun responsibility and do a selfish thing or behave recklessly and worry about the consequences the next day (when you’re shamefully still alive).  It’s an excuse to have fun and be spontaneous.  Like for example staying out until 7am when you have a flight to catch at 10.30am then lying down for just a second and sleeping through all of your alarms and the hotel staff banging on the door.  Then waking up when your plane is taking off without you. Oh no that’s just stupidity my mistake sorry. 

Shall we spend that last £100 we have after work on Thursday on Tequila shots and Drambuie and big breasted strippers (the last one is just for effect) when we know the gas bills need paying and the phone bill and the car needs taxing.  Why the fuck not we could be dead tomorrow.  But then we aren’t!!

I love to be irresponsible if I'm honest.  I like to be naughty and I like to push things farther than necessary.  But we can’t do this forever, at some point we need to take charge of the lives we may very well need in the future.   The lungs we will need, brain, kidneys, body that has been so beautifully abused for so long.  We need to make something of ourselves we cannot rely on someone else taking care of us.  Our parents won’t be around.  I don’t have any children (I might be irresponsible but I am also clever) I don’t have a pension, a mortgage, savings. 

The only person I can count on to look after me when I retire is me.  It’s a saddening thought but the coasting is over.  To be honest I've made many attempts already at ‘being a grown up’ I had a mortgage since being 20, I was married, I even owned a business two years on (please see above).

Saying all of this my friend died of leukaemia at 21, I know lots of people who have died in car accidents or have randomly just dropped dead at 30 years old in full health. 

I was watching LA Ink the other day and well I know it is all very dramatic but also I do think it is true.  Some girls sister who had no previous signs of death looming died suddenly one night of a brain aneurism.  

So my point is this shit really happens and all of these sayings do have some logic in this life. 

I think the trick is to be the best you can be and live the fullest life you can.  Try and do all of the things that you want and have a goal to reach.  We cannot live our lives like each day is the last because it just isn’t viable but we can try and appreciate what we do have and make the most of it.  If you’re not happy make the changes you can that are within your grasp to make you as happy as you can be with what you have been given.  Don’t forget you are more than likely going to have a future so think about that future now again.  You want to be happy forever not just for today.  Yes take risks, yes have fun, yes be irresponsible.  So long as you don’t hurt anybody take what you can and do everything you can.  Take all opportunities you never know where they could lead.  Break routine.  Try new things.  See as much as you can. 

Live today for tomorrow.   

    

I have a dream

Of course I have a dream I'm no different.  Well I like to think I am but aren't we all special in some kind of way!

My real dream which will never ever come true is to be filthy stinking rich.  Not born rich cause then I’d be a twat but to have inherited or had a lottery win or have found bags full of £100 pound notes buried in my back garden.  Dare I say have been spawned by Simon Cowell or Richard Branson oh no that does not comply with the above rule.

When I was younger I was expecting to develop special powers.  By the time I reached 18 I’d given up hope.

My ambition now is simply to ..................... write a book.  Not just any old book but one that is good enough for ‘others’ to read.  Good enough to be published and good enough to pay me enough money to perhaps try it again. 

I know this could be impossible but I am getting closer than just talking about it at least.  I'm making more time to do some writing and although I don’t have anything near I have at least put 75,000 words together.  I would say I've maybe another quarter to go and then hundreds of edits.   

The problem I have is I work 8 hours a day and 3 of those days I travel 60 miles into work and 60 miles back.  I have a lovely boyfriend too I have to feed and nurture etc.  I also like to get my hair wet now and again.  Is that even a saying? 

It’s my first attempt so of course I think it stinks big sweaty homeless balls.  I didn’t want to write this book as though I was the main character and for some fucked up reason I decided to write it as the third person.  I made it hard for myself.  Now I realise that the character is me, I fuckin well thought her up.  Also what’s wrong with me being me after all.  I can see some major rewriting having to take place.  God fuck shit and bollocks. 

I am going away for a month in two weeks time so I’ve deflected from all of this.  I intend to spend many a sunburnt afternoon dreaming up new ideas.  I do dream yes but I also know that I may have to write 12 effing books before I am any good or before anyone takes any notice of me so why not while away the sun soaked hangovers with some constructive story ideas for the future.  I know I will probably need them.

     

How thick am I

I had to help my boyfriend out at weekend with a charity event.  I asked for calculators to be provided because I no longer ever have to add up in any kind of way to get through this life so my maths skills are lost in the 1990s and I haven’t seen them since.  The thing was that I didn’t need the calculator until a huge queue had formed and my tiny brain went to meltdown.  2 x 50p and 2 x 65p add together er £2.30 right.  I couldn’t do it.   Then I couldn’t seem to do it on the calculator for some reason I eventually plucked out a random close by figure and the customer paid and went away.  I felt so stupid having to use a calculator in front of all these people that I actually lost the ability to use the dam thing.  There goes my chance of ever going on X Factor!  

I’m a total wreck.  I haven’t had to serve people for 15 years.  I probably wasn’t all that good at it then come to think about it.  I once dropped a knife from the top floor of the restaurant I worked in luckily no one was dining at the time.  

Women Id rather be.....

In no particular order.

Angelina Jolie

I always forget how jaw droppingly beautiful she is until I see her again.  Just watched Salt and wow even in her Russian spy fully clothed character she is truly stunning.  I remember seeing her when I was younger in Gia where she was a model and I thought who is this woman.   Would be her in a blink.  Gorgeous. 

 Drew Barrymore  

I don’t really know what it is about her. She is one of those people you just love. 

She has such a lovely face that appeals to everyone of all thoughts.  You wanna be her friend, you wanna route for her, you wanna take care of her.  If I was a bloke I’d wanna marry her cause she is lovely.  She has this quirky thing going on that is different to other celebs.  Love her.

Kate Hudson    

She has got this major natural beauty going on that is so cute and yet so sexy.  I defy anyone to find an ugly picture of her.  She is a stunning natural beauty.  A bit like drew she also appeals like she could be your best friend.  I appreciate a lot of this shit is down to characters they play but dam you gotta admit they have friendly faces.

Liv Tyler

  

Innocent – beautiful what else can I say except maybe check out Aerosmith 1993 vid Crazy.   I bet she doesnt look like shit when she wakes up in the morning. 

Megan Fox

Sex appeal.  HOT.  I’d do her.

When I post this don’t get the impression I’m a bad egg, a heffer, disfigured or in any way a hard core lesbian.  I’m just jealous of these bitches.  There fit, fuckable, filthy rich, photogenic, talented and seriously would you ever get bored looking in the mirror at yourself!

If I am completely honest with the world I suppose I don’t aspire to be the Drew Barrymores or Kate Hudsons of this world I wanna wreak of steamy hot admiration. May everyone that meets me picture me naked cause I’m so smoking hot.  I wanna be top dog Ang.  I wanna be a natural beauty.  I wanna have that kick ass pout and confidence oozing every sweat particle.   If I took a shit in front of the world I'd still look fucking sexy.  Yeah that is what I want. 

8 Weeks to Thailand

Well I promised myself when it got to this time I would put in some hard core training and some serious dieting.  

At present I eat like a bloke and since moving house have done feck all exercise for two months.

   

I have to spend a month sorry STOP I choose to spend a month semi naked parading the back packing islands of the land of smiles.  This needs to be done if one has any self respect.

I’m a bad 10 a good 12. I aim to be a good 10 bad 8.  You know what I’m saying girls.

Me and my fella eat like we’ve been kept in a cellar for 6 months and at the dinner table you would think someone just let us out cause he inhales it in a few minutes and I take 45mins to savour each bite.   

No more mother fucker. 

All the recipes I make are generally for 4 people but we eat that in one night.  So for starters food cut in half.  I don’t know how I’m not the size of a small elephant.  Secondly 100 sit ups every day for 7 weeks.  

Spent a fair few years doing Muay Thai with a fantastic Thai trainer.  Never competed or anything but got all the basic moves down and my garden punch bag will take the brunt of my bikini phase.  I’ve got all kinds of things lined up including asking my bof to drop wey heavy books on my tummy due to lack of medicine ball.  I’ve got 3 tyres in the garden I’m sure I can make something fun up to do with those.

 

Bring on the lettuce leafs suckers.  (I’m joking I’d never eat lettuce leafs unless they were under a bap and a beef burger!

Sulky

Couldn’t sleep.  Bloody wind blowing through all the frickin windows my boyf has open.  Plus my mind seemed to be full and needed emptying as I wriggled around in the fuck loud squeaky bed of ours I wondered what had really happened.   

Then I went back and forth with website ideas that could make me a billionaire after watching the film The Social Network.   

I finally got up at half 5 which is nothing new quite frankly although it is for a Monday morning only to find that some bastards had already thought up my winning website ideas.

So now I have to actually do some work today. 

Feeling like crap and even the hotel I have booked in Bangkok last night has not cheered me up.  Please note it was £16 a night and has a pool!!   What a miserable tit I am.