How thick am I

I had to help my boyfriend out at weekend with a charity event.  I asked for calculators to be provided because I no longer ever have to add up in any kind of way to get through this life so my maths skills are lost in the 1990s and I haven’t seen them since.  The thing was that I didn’t need the calculator until a huge queue had formed and my tiny brain went to meltdown.  2 x 50p and 2 x 65p add together er £2.30 right.  I couldn’t do it.   Then I couldn’t seem to do it on the calculator for some reason I eventually plucked out a random close by figure and the customer paid and went away.  I felt so stupid having to use a calculator in front of all these people that I actually lost the ability to use the dam thing.  There goes my chance of ever going on X Factor!  

I’m a total wreck.  I haven’t had to serve people for 15 years.  I probably wasn’t all that good at it then come to think about it.  I once dropped a knife from the top floor of the restaurant I worked in luckily no one was dining at the time.  

Women Id rather be.....

In no particular order.

Angelina Jolie

I always forget how jaw droppingly beautiful she is until I see her again.  Just watched Salt and wow even in her Russian spy fully clothed character she is truly stunning.  I remember seeing her when I was younger in Gia where she was a model and I thought who is this woman.   Would be her in a blink.  Gorgeous. 

 Drew Barrymore  

I don’t really know what it is about her. She is one of those people you just love. 

She has such a lovely face that appeals to everyone of all thoughts.  You wanna be her friend, you wanna route for her, you wanna take care of her.  If I was a bloke I’d wanna marry her cause she is lovely.  She has this quirky thing going on that is different to other celebs.  Love her.

Kate Hudson    

She has got this major natural beauty going on that is so cute and yet so sexy.  I defy anyone to find an ugly picture of her.  She is a stunning natural beauty.  A bit like drew she also appeals like she could be your best friend.  I appreciate a lot of this shit is down to characters they play but dam you gotta admit they have friendly faces.

Liv Tyler

  

Innocent – beautiful what else can I say except maybe check out Aerosmith 1993 vid Crazy.   I bet she doesnt look like shit when she wakes up in the morning. 

Megan Fox

Sex appeal.  HOT.  I’d do her.

When I post this don’t get the impression I’m a bad egg, a heffer, disfigured or in any way a hard core lesbian.  I’m just jealous of these bitches.  There fit, fuckable, filthy rich, photogenic, talented and seriously would you ever get bored looking in the mirror at yourself!

If I am completely honest with the world I suppose I don’t aspire to be the Drew Barrymores or Kate Hudsons of this world I wanna wreak of steamy hot admiration. May everyone that meets me picture me naked cause I’m so smoking hot.  I wanna be top dog Ang.  I wanna be a natural beauty.  I wanna have that kick ass pout and confidence oozing every sweat particle.   If I took a shit in front of the world I'd still look fucking sexy.  Yeah that is what I want. 

8 Weeks to Thailand

Well I promised myself when it got to this time I would put in some hard core training and some serious dieting.  

At present I eat like a bloke and since moving house have done feck all exercise for two months.

   

I have to spend a month sorry STOP I choose to spend a month semi naked parading the back packing islands of the land of smiles.  This needs to be done if one has any self respect.

I’m a bad 10 a good 12. I aim to be a good 10 bad 8.  You know what I’m saying girls.

Me and my fella eat like we’ve been kept in a cellar for 6 months and at the dinner table you would think someone just let us out cause he inhales it in a few minutes and I take 45mins to savour each bite.   

No more mother fucker. 

All the recipes I make are generally for 4 people but we eat that in one night.  So for starters food cut in half.  I don’t know how I’m not the size of a small elephant.  Secondly 100 sit ups every day for 7 weeks.  

Spent a fair few years doing Muay Thai with a fantastic Thai trainer.  Never competed or anything but got all the basic moves down and my garden punch bag will take the brunt of my bikini phase.  I’ve got all kinds of things lined up including asking my bof to drop wey heavy books on my tummy due to lack of medicine ball.  I’ve got 3 tyres in the garden I’m sure I can make something fun up to do with those.

 

Bring on the lettuce leafs suckers.  (I’m joking I’d never eat lettuce leafs unless they were under a bap and a beef burger!

Sulky

Couldn’t sleep.  Bloody wind blowing through all the frickin windows my boyf has open.  Plus my mind seemed to be full and needed emptying as I wriggled around in the fuck loud squeaky bed of ours I wondered what had really happened.   

Then I went back and forth with website ideas that could make me a billionaire after watching the film The Social Network.   

I finally got up at half 5 which is nothing new quite frankly although it is for a Monday morning only to find that some bastards had already thought up my winning website ideas.

So now I have to actually do some work today. 

Feeling like crap and even the hotel I have booked in Bangkok last night has not cheered me up.  Please note it was £16 a night and has a pool!!   What a miserable tit I am.