Food in Southern Thailand

Rayong, Bangkok, Thailand

Sex and the city

So after being single for 4 months I thought I’d do a SATC style blog.

I have to say if it wasn’t for my friends and family It’d be an almighty depressing one but as it happens I’ve been having rather a bit of fun.

I’ve never really been single before.  You could count the four months when I was around 23 so 10 years ago.  I don’t do single well.... as my friends and family will tell you, I seem to go from one to the next but clearly still unsuccessful. 

All I ever really wanted in life was true love and although there were many times I thought I’d found it, nope, still here, still unfound.  

My first proper love of 7 years dumped me for my best friend, so that wasn’t a great start.  Then I had a few inbetweeners like you do, (not THE inbetweeners) then one of my friends suddenly became something more.  After being mates for 6 years and generally hanging out and having a laugh it happened.  Thing is, I never ever fancied him, I was never supposed to fall for him.  After 4 years together we got married. 

Don’t get excited ..... after 2 I had to leave but we won’t go into that.  

So here I am again having the worst luck.  Back to my parents a week before my 30^th birthday. 

I really could be a SATC gal.

In true FMP timing, I mourned and I cried etc but the truth is it is always over a long time before you actually part, so in my mind it wasn’t moving fast. 

First proper night out when I felt I could face the world again I met someone. 

Now this person was nothing like anyone I’d ever met.  He was kind, he was loyal, he was hard working, he was super super intelligent.   I admired him.  It is usually always me that has all the money and the brains lol. 

We always knew we were very different, in backgrounds, upbringing, brains, likes and dislikes but somehow it worked.  He taught me so much and we explored a lot together.  I suppose in the beginning like all good women believe, you think you can change a man.  Let it be said now my friends, this will never ever happen.  I thought I could become more like him and he more like me and together we’d fit perfectly. 

Well I definitely changed that’s for sure, but that is what women do for love, they are willing to adapt, change, eager to please.  My ex on the other hand (not meaning this offensively) hasn’t changed one bit, if anything he has become more like himself and less like me as time goes on.

So you see where I’m going with this.  After 3 years I guess we just died.  First time I have ever remained friends with an ex though so it’s not all bad.

So let me think back, being single, well being a single woman is pretty disastrous, I can’t see any hope for us girls.  I’d like to be optimistic and say ... he is out there.  You know all that bullcrap that someone just perfecting is waiting for you, someone better, someone you can finally settle down with.  I hate to break it to you but I have kinda lost the faith.

The last weekend I went out, we were outside having a drink and I took off my jacket and this guy goes ‘you’ve got massive t7ts’ why thank you but you’re not gonna pull with those kind of lines dickweed.    

We went to a more upmarket place where my new single lady friend got chatting to a guy.  He seemed relatively nice, suited and booted, was in his late 30s but then he goes............... ‘So do you wanna all come a strip bar with me’. 

Ok, I had to be the one to tell him he was lame and that was never gonna happen.

The week before a friend of a friend came out I’d never met before, he did tried very hard to talk to me etc but he looked about 12.  I have standards. 

The week before I bumped into someone from Hollyoaks and I barely got two sentences out before he scuttered away from me. 

I am still trying to establish what is wrong with me. 

Guys tend to completely blank me out.  I had a little chat with the bouncer whilst I was out smoking and he said he would tell me honestly if I wanted to know.  Wow, please do enlighten me on this mystery.  Apparently I look bitchy, confident and no guy will ever risk getting knocked back in front of his mates.  He was a lovely guy and after chatting he said obviously I am not but they don’t know that.

There have been some perks to being single, I’ve lost weight, mostly because I am in the pub all the time and skipping meals. 

Random fun nights out, where you have no one to answer to and can come and go as you please without considering anyone’s feelings.

Lots and lots of fun nights out.

My alcohol tolerance is tremendous. 

Being close to my friends and making new ones.

Having more time to do stuff you never get around to; although frankly that is a lie (see above).  Pub, drinks, pub and more going out. 

There are obvious downsides and my bank account is taking a hell of a tanning. 

So as Whitesnake once said ‘Here I go again on my own’.

For now let’s drink to being single, hell let’s just drink anyway.

Perhaps after all this there is never going to be one special guy, maybe it’s not for everyone.  

On a positive note at least I get to go through all of that new relationship shit where everything is great and shiny and new and your heart flutters and it is all you think about.   

One last thing, I couldn’t have done it without my friends.  You know who you are ....

To being single.....................

FMP

Xxx

Backpacking in Southern Thailand, Photos

I am writing a guidebook about my travels to South East Asia where I have had the pleasure of backpacking around twice now. 

The book is filled with a nice selction of places to visit, my thoughts and recommendations alongside a personal diary of what I got up to. 

The book will be released on Kindle via Amazon and I have created a Flickr account holding the entire catalogue of piccies so this can be easily located in one place.   For those reading on ipads or new Kindles I thought it would be nice to have a link / picture all the way through the book so if you chose to you can see the image as you read.

Not sure how this is going to work out.  I am thinking of doing a link per place and amalgamating the pictures to appear as one blog. 

Lets give it a try.

When the book is finished and realeased I can add the link for that too. 

FMP
X

War is hell

I was at my back door having a fag, listening to the ipod on random when June Talbour came on playing Walzing Matilda.  If you don’t know what I mean please take a moment to listen or read the lyrics.

June Talbour, Walzing Matlida

Lyrics to Waltzing Matilda :

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a coolibah tree
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me 
Down came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong
Up got the swaggie and grabbed him with glee
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker-bag
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me 

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker-bag
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me 

Down came the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred
Up came the troopers One Two Three
Who's the jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker-bag?
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me 

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me
Who's the jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker-bag?
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me. 

Up got the swaggie and jumped into the billabong
You'll never catch me alive said he
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me 

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me

I’d heard it a few years back when I first met my boyfriend but having learnt more and more about  WWII, it brought tears to my eyes and an idea for this blog.  I think everyone should learn about it or at least think about just how lucky most of us are not having to be a part of the hell that is war.

I have watched a lot of films and documentaries about WWII and have added some good references at the end. 

The song is about WWI which, to be honest I don’t know much about; I am still learning about WWII.  We have just bought some WWII books from the charity shop that are massive – 9 volumes, so I imagine it is going to be a long while before I move on to reading something else.   http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/WORLD-WAR-2-II-MAGAZINE-COLLECTION-ORBIS-BOOK-SET-8-VOLUMES-/251100507041

Maybe most people already know all this but I didn’t and if I were taught it at school, which I am sure I wasn’t, I don’t remember.

Not only is it an important part of our history and the world’s history but it’s an interesting and shocking series of events and stories involving real people. 

I’ve previously blogged about my trip to Krakow and the concentration camps but this is more of a general thought for the soldiers and families that endured the war and the comparison to life today.

Although it is really sad, it’s also a great relief that I will never have to send my loved ones off to war or live on rations or survive a blackout.  However, if we were ever drafted I know my Dad and boyfriend would go anyway and perhaps (as awful as this sounds) it would make the youth of today a whole lot more respectful. 

I can’t even begin to imagine a time where people lived in darkness so they were less likely to be air bombed.  It’s just incredible to me that even happened.

We are so molly coddled these days, to think of being made to fight for our country and possibly die, forced to leave home, leave our family, our kids, then endure the horrendous days of death, killings, survival, starvation, cold, heat, all the while just desperately trying to keep our ass’s alive.

Sitting in a trench and shooting another human being who probably wants to be there just as little as you do, who was also made to leave and fight; kill or be killed.  Who can get that these days? 

Unless you were there, I don’t think you can ever envisage the true horror.   It won’t hurt to learn and be thankful for our mamby pamby lifestyles. 

Knowing this stuff happened still means nothing because I haven’t had to do it; I am interested to learn and I have feelings, tears even for those who suffered but I will never ever get it.  Even visiting Auschwitz; actually being in the same gas chamber as those poor people, those millions who were killed, no I still can’t get it. My brain will never suffer the emotions, trauma, physical deterioration, mental torture of those in the war. 

As I say I don’t know so much, especially not about actual facts and timelines.  But in all of the things I have watched or books I have read, it is incredible what we can do to ourselves and others in times of war. 

Last night we were watching the military channel and it was in Saipan, it was estimated there were 20,000 civilians but they had only found 13,000.  Around 1000 of them jumped to their own deaths because they were afraid of being battered, raped or killed.  Again I am no expert here but I think in the Vietnam war that is what happened.  But then the Vietnamese were so sneaky they got civilians and children to carry in bombs or shoot the soldiers so part of me says how can you help the civilians if that is what they are being made to do.  I don’t know?

We have all seen the films of how close the soldiers become and how they protect one another and see so many of their ‘good men’ die. 

Taking shifts through the night to make sure they are not ambushed in the dark.  Imagine sitting alone in the dark, in the jungle having the responsibility for everyone’s safety, being so tired but having to keep an eye out for the enemy who at any time could come running through prepared and ready to kill.  On top of having to deal with the jungle in general or the conditions they were living in.    

There are some real general basics of war that most people know or assume.  

I remember my Dad telling me once that there were still people in the Vietnamese jungle who didn’t know the war was over.  

Most people know of Hitler and the Holocaust.  To really sit and watch these events being played out though and see people’s individual stories, you can learn so much.  A lot of the time it really depresses me but as I say, I almost feel like I am honouring these people by learning what they went through.   As with the Holocaust, people say it should never be forgotten, and the people who died should never be forgotten.  It feels pretty unrealistic sitting here now, that Hitler killed all those people and I still find it really hard to believe that after all that the bastard killed himself.  I don’t get it.           

 Youngsters have no respect; they have no idea what real hard work is and to be fair neither do I.  Even during the hardest most upsetting years of my life, I never starved, I never killed anyone and I have yet to know real tragedy within my life. 

There is so much to say but it’s really hard to put into words what war is like.  Going back to the beginning I think the song is a good summary.  All I know is how unbelievably brave all the men of all the wars are; what characters they must have been and what hell they must have seen, what terror must sit on their soul.  

To all those who didn’t fight but survived the loss of their husbands and sons, as much as I’m glad I never had to be a part of it, I only wish myself and the younger generation had an ounce of the strength, courage, respect and self sufficiency that those guys did.    

References

Box sets

The World at War

Band of Brothers

Pacific

Vietnam - Lost Films 

WWII - Lost films 

Prisoner number A26188 Henia Bryer (recently shown on the BBC)

Films

Apocalypse now

When we were soldiers

Full metal jacket

Platoon

The deer hunter

Saving private Ryan

The way back

Schindlers list

Books

Band of Brothers – Steven Ambrose

Citizen Soldiers – Steven Ambrose

Olgar Lengyel -  Five chimneys  

Bacon and leek potato bake

1/2 bag potatoes

4 leeks

2 cubes veg stock

2 garlic cloves

Pack of bacon

Double or single cream

Butter

This is one off the internet and I haven’t put my own pics in either as I seem to be missing my friggin phone wire.  I have picked a nice picture that resembles the one I make. 

It’s fairly cheap and healthy from what I remember, it was listed as a low calorie dish.  However it says to use 2 spoonfuls of cream and I do more like 10,  2 or 3 rashers and I do 7 or 8.  I never calorie count really, just eat it.

Saying that, I am not eating potatoes, pasta, rice or bread this week as I am starting to get old.  My parents did warn me I couldn’t eat like this forever.  *shock horror*  

*********************************************************************************

You may want to check the contents fit in the oven dish before boiling up.

Peel the spuds and cut into slices.

Chop the leek.

Put in a massive pan and fill with water, add the garlic and stock.  Partially boil for maybe 10 minutes.

Using a jug to siphon the water, save around 200ml of the stock and then drain.

Chop your bacon into little pieces.

Grease a large oven dish with butter.

Add the potato/leek gradually to a large oven dish.   Add the bacon bits and then another layer of potato, leek, so on and so on. 

Pour on the stock and cream, cover with tinfoil and put in the oven at 180 for 30 minutes.

Take the tinfoil off for the last ten minutes, so 40 in total.

Yum yum

   

Enjoy 

My life isn’t a fairytale and that is what pisses me off

It dawned on me today that I am pissed off because my life isn’t a fairytale. 

I have been watching too much One Tree Hill, where they have perfect lives and perfect partners and perfect children and they are all the best of friends.  I had a life a little like that once, although they turned out not to be so perfect. 

He was right when he said “You don’t like doing things with people” after I had said “I don’t like doing things alone.”  Hmm tis true, I am never pleased. 

I’ve got a big bun with icing on it but its missing the sprinkles.  

Maybe I am not looking in the right cupboard for the sprinkles.

For the first time in my life I have no drama, really the first time.  I even had a bit of drama last year but nothing compared to the rest of my life before 2010.  There was always drama, trauma and disasters. 

I watched the Truman Show last night, the film were Jim Carey is the star of a massive hit tv series but doesn’t know he is being filmed.  He is born on the set of this world the director created called Seahaven.  The director creates Trumans life and even though the bastard made his father drown when he was a boy and take away his true love he did still try and give Truman ‘the fairytale’ life.  In case you haven’t seen it I won’t say anything else.

I have spent the past few months being a negative, miserable terd.  Boyfriend can verify this.   

All I have done is focus largely on what I haven’t got and what I am not doing.   

Today I realise that concentrating on these things can only be a bad thing because I can never change them and wouldn’t it be much better to focus on the good things that I do have and that I do do.  

I am not saying for one second that this realisation means I will stop being a miserable terd but at least I know what I am supposed to do. 

I complain incessantly because boyfriend works at the weekend, well Fridays and Sundays (all day, all night).  I focus so hard on him not being here at the weekend when it’s most important and when I want him to be and when I want to do things, that I forget the other 5 days I get to have him. 

I get upset because I feel like I have no friends but then I remember that I do, they are just not always in reach.   But I am thankful for the few precious ones that I do have and I remember really fondly the ones I used to have. 

I would go nuts if I never got to be left alone but now that I am the novelty has worn off and I don’t like it.   It used to be a great treat to be left alone for the night, get to watch all the rubbish crap that would make boyfriend poke his eyes out and nibble olives and crisp all night while watching Magic Mike or Breaking Dawn!!! (*hides with embarrassment*) but as with everything once it becomes habit it is no longer special.  I do this now twice a week, every week.  Obviously the crisp and olives vary to all sorts of goodies; but still. 

I don’t normally like to get too personal on here but the chances are later on tonight I’ll be watching some film and booing into my wine glass.  I am so emotional at the moment I just cry a lot at stupid things.  I did not however cry at Breaking Dawn, so there. 

Deep down I guess I am a typical girl and I really hate to admit that (oh yuk) I pride myself on not being a typical girl; ballocks.  After watching ten million episodes of Nip Tuck, Heroes, One Tree Hill and a hundred sloshy, weepy, girly, romantic films, at heart I just want the fairytale same as everyone else.

Don’t tell anyone ;)

JJ