My life isn’t a fairytale and that is what pisses me off

It dawned on me today that I am pissed off because my life isn’t a fairytale. 

I have been watching too much One Tree Hill, where they have perfect lives and perfect partners and perfect children and they are all the best of friends.  I had a life a little like that once, although they turned out not to be so perfect. 

He was right when he said “You don’t like doing things with people” after I had said “I don’t like doing things alone.”  Hmm tis true, I am never pleased. 

I’ve got a big bun with icing on it but its missing the sprinkles.  

Maybe I am not looking in the right cupboard for the sprinkles.

For the first time in my life I have no drama, really the first time.  I even had a bit of drama last year but nothing compared to the rest of my life before 2010.  There was always drama, trauma and disasters. 

I watched the Truman Show last night, the film were Jim Carey is the star of a massive hit tv series but doesn’t know he is being filmed.  He is born on the set of this world the director created called Seahaven.  The director creates Trumans life and even though the bastard made his father drown when he was a boy and take away his true love he did still try and give Truman ‘the fairytale’ life.  In case you haven’t seen it I won’t say anything else.

I have spent the past few months being a negative, miserable terd.  Boyfriend can verify this.   

All I have done is focus largely on what I haven’t got and what I am not doing.   

Today I realise that concentrating on these things can only be a bad thing because I can never change them and wouldn’t it be much better to focus on the good things that I do have and that I do do.  

I am not saying for one second that this realisation means I will stop being a miserable terd but at least I know what I am supposed to do. 

I complain incessantly because boyfriend works at the weekend, well Fridays and Sundays (all day, all night).  I focus so hard on him not being here at the weekend when it’s most important and when I want him to be and when I want to do things, that I forget the other 5 days I get to have him. 

I get upset because I feel like I have no friends but then I remember that I do, they are just not always in reach.   But I am thankful for the few precious ones that I do have and I remember really fondly the ones I used to have. 

I would go nuts if I never got to be left alone but now that I am the novelty has worn off and I don’t like it.   It used to be a great treat to be left alone for the night, get to watch all the rubbish crap that would make boyfriend poke his eyes out and nibble olives and crisp all night while watching Magic Mike or Breaking Dawn!!! (*hides with embarrassment*) but as with everything once it becomes habit it is no longer special.  I do this now twice a week, every week.  Obviously the crisp and olives vary to all sorts of goodies; but still. 

I don’t normally like to get too personal on here but the chances are later on tonight I’ll be watching some film and booing into my wine glass.  I am so emotional at the moment I just cry a lot at stupid things.  I did not however cry at Breaking Dawn, so there. 

Deep down I guess I am a typical girl and I really hate to admit that (oh yuk) I pride myself on not being a typical girl; ballocks.  After watching ten million episodes of Nip Tuck, Heroes, One Tree Hill and a hundred sloshy, weepy, girly, romantic films, at heart I just want the fairytale same as everyone else.

Don’t tell anyone ;)

JJ 

Chilli tuna with noodles

Serves 2-3  

Ingredients

Two tins of tuna

3 birdseye chillies

1.5 limes, plus zest

Tray of cherry tomatoes

½ red onion

2 nests of egg noodles

Coriander

Salt and pepper

My recipe

I always remember a very healthy, very hot tuna noodle dish I made years ago.

I have used the chilli tuna method in a few other dishes, like the salads.

Tuna is really slimming, add chillies and lime and it becomes a fiery tasty treat. 

For extra umph I added red onion and cherry tomatoes.  It is very tasty indeed, I didn’t want to stop eating, in fact I think I had two plates that day and got called a greedy cow. 

This recipe can be done within around 15 minutes. 

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Get the tuna mixed with the chillies and lime zest and then juice.  I grate the lime with the cheese grater.  You might want to add bit by bit tasting as you go along as this measure is to my taste and it’s quite hot. 

Chop your cherry tomatoes and onion.

The noodles only take 4- 6 mins so cook them when you’re ready.

Add your onion, tomatoes and salt and pepper to the tuna. 

Drain your noodles and then mix in the tuna.

Serve with a sprinkle of coriander.

Enjoy      

Duck skin with chilli jam

Serves 1

Ingredients

Duck skin

1 cube stock

2 large tbsp jam (any jam) I used blackberry

¼ pineapple

Pineapple juice

1 aubergine

Splash of soy sauce

1-2 chillies

After a mammoth shop at our local Wing Yip, amongst a load of other things we got a cooked duck. 

After I had made the Thai red duck curry I had been promising to make for a year, I wanted to do something useful with the leftovers of the duck.  It had a lot less meat on it than I had imagined but there was plenty of skin left over. 

Part of me thinks ‘duck skin’ sounds like a pretty disgusting recipe but this is probably one of my most weird and inventive ones so far.  The pictures don’t really look incredibly appetising either, it’s all dark colours and it looks a bit mucky if I’m honest.  But, if you like trying new (weird) things, do it. 

We had pineapple and aubergine left from the curry so I thought they will definitely mix in somehow.  My main thought was jam and chilli.  Duck does go with sticky sweet things like orange and plum. 

Guess what we had, a shit load of homemade jam.

So there it is, I threw all of the above together and it actually worked. 

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Collate all your duck skin and left over bits of meat.

I used around a quarter of a pineapple and some of the juice. 

Chop the aubergine and chillies.

There is nothing really to be cooked, just the aubergine needs softening and it all needs heating up. 

Start with the stock, I used a wok but any pan will do. 

Add the pineapple and juice, the aubergines, chillies, soy sauce and duck skin. 

I suggest you may want to add the chilli in in bits, depending on how hot you want it.

Again with the jam you might want to add this a bit at a time until you think the consistency looks adequate and the taste is somewhat acceptable to you.  When I did it, it was very sweet and hot. 

Hope it works out for you.

  

If you want to do the Thai red curry while you’re at it................................ (see last post.)

Enjoy

Thai red curry with duck and pineapple

  

Serves 2

Ingredients

½  duck (cooked)

400ml coconut milk

2 tbsp red curry paste

3 tbsp fish sauce

1 tbsp of palm sugar

2 aubergines

¼ -½ pineapple

6 cherry tomatoes

After an amazing experience with this dish in Phi Phi, Thailand I had been promising to cook this ever since we got back. 

 Here is the link I used.

Temple of Thai

I took some pictures but they don’t look as appetising. 

Unfortunately I realised I wasn’t particularly keen on pineapple in curry and I didn’t like aubergines at all. 

Next time I will try tinned pineapple as it was an effort dealing with all that pineapple and then finding other recipes to use it up.  I’ll swap the aubergine for something else.

    

Looks like most recipes include pineapple and (eggplant) aubergine.  This one looks really nice for an alternative. 

http://www.tastespotting.com/features/thai-spicy-curry-crispy-duck-recipe-fsedthee-thai-eatery

I didn't really want to put this recipe on the blog but the one I will post next is my own and it uses the left over duck.  It is quite a strange one duck skin with chilli jam.  

However my experimental taster really liked both so maybe give it a go.  

I think this would work better for me next time with mango or pear and instead of eggplant which honestly just tastes naff, maybe celery or carrot.  


Enjoy

Thai mince part 3 – lab moo experiment

Serves 1

15-20 mins

Rating – Very damn hot

Ingredients

150g mince

½ lime

2 tbsp fish sauce

1 tsp palm sugar

2 birdseye chillies

Ginger  

Splash of soy sauce

Green beans 100g –ish

2-3 Celery sticks

Natural yoghurt

My recipe

This was a further experiment with the lab moo recipe which, please note I don’t think I have posted parts one and two yet so do not look for them.

I put a small lump of mince in the freezer for a snack size portion so I’m afraid I don’t know the exact amount but am guessing it’s about 150g.  I took a good picture of it so hopefully that will help. 

A nice dollop of natural yoghurt goes really well to ease the taste of the hot chilli and some healthy celery sticks to spoon it all up.

You will see on the picture I added some tomato but it just ended up totally evaporating.  

The Thais normally make this with minced pork.  Some basic ingredients like the chillies, ginger, lime, palm sugar and fish sauce make the tasty basis, other than that you can try adding whatever.  

If you search for lab moo on google you will find a couple of different Thai recipes.

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Chop all your ingredients.

Fry off the mince and then drain away the fat; this is important for this recipe as the end result is just the mince and flavours, there is no sauce.

I use ginger from the freezer and just grate some in.

Add the green beans, fish sauce, chilli, palm sugar and soy sauce.

It shouldn’t take very long; I’d say another 10 mins after the fat is drained.

At the end, squeeze in your lime then give it a taste. 

I always find this bit difficult as I am not a chef so I can never work out what it needs. 

Usually with this one, it’s either not hot enough, because with lab moo chillis are a massive part, I like it really bloody hot, hence the yoghurt. 

If it’s too hot add more sugar and lime. 

If it’s not hot enough and it’s too sweet, more chilli.

As I say all the time with chilli, best to add gradually because you can always add more but once they are in, they are in.  Not everyone enjoys a burnt mouth.  A good hot dish though means guzzling more wine J me likey.

When you are happy (hopefully) with how it tastes, decorate the plate with the celery and a nice dump of yoghurt.

Happy lab moo-ing.

Enjoy     

Happiness is a state of mind

Happiness is a state of mind, like being hungry or tired; maybe not hungry or tired because those feelings can be fed, but it is a mood.  It comes and goes.

Most people focus on what’s going to happen or what they want to happen; when I get that promotion, when we have a baby, when we move house, then I’ll be happy. My guess is that when that happens your goals will change; I’ll be happy when I pay my debts off, when I lose some weight, in a year from now; will we ever be happy?

I get pissed off with myself when I’m in a bad mood; no one likes to be miserable.  The thing is I have absolutely nothing to be miserable about whatsoever.  I have the most flexible varied job I’ve ever had and work with some of the greatest people I’ve ever known, I have a wonderful boyfriend, family and friends. I have a pretty great life all in all, so why do I get fed up and sad? I don’t really know.  It makes me wonder whether the ultimate true happiness exists.    

I’ve been taking birth control pills for 15 years now and wonder if I would be different without them. After all it’s a hormone I’m putting in my body to stop the natural occurrence of a child growing.  Is this affecting my moods and if it is how much?

Is true happiness a myth that we think we’ll find when our goals are met and our dreams come true, even maybe a miracle.  Can we be satisfied or will we always need a line further away we aim to cross.

Yesterday I thought what if I imagine every day as my last, enjoy every bit of the day, the company, even the taste of food, because what if I don’t get another one.

But that doesn’t work and even if it did, you couldn’t live every day like your last because if it was you would end up drawing all of your money out of the bank and getting on a plane, so it’s not very realistic.

Living in the moment is hard because everyone is so busy or tired.  You can’t just call people now and go see them, you have to arrange it months ahead. I’m a bugger for it cause as much as I love being spontaneous, I’m always forward planning, I’m even forward planning when I am going to be spontaneous for Christ sake.

I get fed up when I’ve not enough time but then get fed up when I’ve 6 hours or 14 hours just because I’m on my own.  I get fed up staying in all the time, but fed up when my diary is full and I am out too much. 

Thinking about ‘holiday life’ when you’re on holiday or at least when I am on holiday, I don’t get in a bad mood.  So is this the answer?  Permanent holidays................

A place you choose to get away from it all, every day filled with activities or non activities of your choice. Adventures or relaxation, or both.  Beer and cocktails; no WORK.  A break from real life.  No alarm clocks, no TV and cooking dinner every night or going the gym/cycling to work/dieting............... a time to be free.  I was going to say something about the sun and beaches but then I remembered how much I loved Bulgaria, Krakow and Bangkok. 

I’d like to think freedom was the answer because that is where my goal is.  Doing something I have always wanted to do and having that freedom to do it, not after work or at weekends but every day as a job.  It’s a crapper being dictated to by our 9-5s.  I want to be free to work the times I want, if the sun comes out, be able to drop shit and just go outside.  If I’m having a bad day, I’ll just quit until tomorrow or open a cold beer.  I’ll not need to worry about fitting in my exercises after 8 hours at work because I’ll have the time to do a little every day or all day, whenever I want. 

There are many amazing things about my goals but there are also certain drawbacks, massive ones.  My family won’t live up the street anymore, the shop will be possibly 20 miles away, we won’t have sky movies, it will be -10 in the winters, there is not a pub in sight, there is no Primark, I can’t meet my friends for drinks; there are many more pros and cons but this blog isn’t about that.

The point is, even when my dreams come true there will still be days I cry because I miss my parents or my friends or some aspect of my old life. 

These goals that lie ahead are what keeps us happy and when we get there so what if we change our minds and make new rules.

We can’t be happy all the time, even when we are happy.

I suppose all we can do is embrace the times we are and try and deal with the times we aren’t.

We can’t always find a reason or answer to why,  it just is.

Hopefully the next day will be a good one.             

Whilst searching for pics I found these links.

http://www.mymostlyhealthylife.com/2012/11/choose-happiness.html

http://thehappinessshow.com/HappinessQuotes.htm

Garlic and lemon chicken with chilli

Serves 1

2 for a snack

Ingredients

Two chicken breasts

2 cloves of garlic

1 tsp red Thai curry paste

1 red birdseye chilli

Splash of soy sauce

Small tsp of palm sugar

Juice of half a lemon

Coriander

My recipe

I made this, to be honest, as a healthy snack to accompany my vino on a Friday night.  I just sat and picked at it whilst watching Nip Tuck.  I ate it cold with a nice salad.   

Having cooked so many Thai dishes, I have come to know the basic ingredients and this is something I tried out from my head and it worked really nicely.

This is a quick and hot tasty dish.

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Chop the chicken into chunks, brown, then add the paste until it’s all mixed over the chicken.   

Add the palm sugar, stirring loads.

Followed by the garlic then the chilli and a splash of soy sauce.

Squeeze the half a lemon over when it is ready so it doesn’t all evaporate.

After you’ve taken it out of the pan, stir in a good helping of coriander.

I made a nice standard salad to go with it; lettuce, cucumber, tomato, red onion and pepper.

Enjoy