Foul Mouthed Princess

Monday

2012-02-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

Well further to my last blog I have to revoke my promises and I plan to go missing for a while. Not that any of you fuckers care cause I am basically talking to myself here so no love lost I guess.

My bf has suggested we try and sell said guides so I figure it might be a bit daft to upload them for free. I have already spent a week doing the Bangkok one and it is not finished yet and I've a long way to go so I will be putting most my time into this.

I am just not sure anymore why it is I have bad moods. I can’t really blame hormones and I have no real reason to be miserable. I am sat here working from home with nothing to do I mean really what kind of a sick miserable bastard am I. Anyone would think I actually wanted some work to do.

Contemplating wine on a Monday evening shit it is bad. Well I can’t work out I’m aching like fuck still from yesterday. Now what time would be considered too early.

Sawadee Ka

2012-02-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here driving down the M6 (well I’m not driving) attempting to put something into words about my trip to Thailand.

The people, the food, the beaches, the atmosphere, the heat. A combo of magical seeds sewing up the main pockets of the perfect holiday.

The Thai’s are warm, friendly, happy people who welcome you through genuine hospitality.

One of our backpacking moments in Rayong left us in an area with no accommodation. There was a lovely beach but it was 35 degrees and we had backpacks we just quickly made the decision to carry on moving. We meakly entered this place that we thought might be a hotel but clearly wasn’t it felt like we were walking in on someone’s birthday party. We asked if there was somewhere we could get a taxi. We told her we wanted to go to Koh Samet. The nice lady knew what we meant but there were no taxis she said we’d have to go into Rayong. Before I could even set amidst panic she had her boy (husband/boyfriend/brother/friend?) take us in his truck. I was half expecting some money to be exchanged but it was nothing but an act of kindness. God bless that nice Thai family.

Our journey started in Bangkok we then flew to Phuket, Karon over to Patong for one day. From Patong to Krabi, Au Nang, another small island I am keeping a secret and then over to Phi Phi. From here to Koh Phangan, Rayong, Ko Samet and back to Bangkok.

Any cynics may say the Thais are only nice to you because it is benefitting them but I really don’t believe it. Every single place we went they were friendly and welcoming and more than they had to be.

The food was definitely one of the key bonuses. Thai food was cheap and every day for 4 weeks at least once a day we were blessed with a beautiful dish. Barracuda with lemon and chilli, Tom Yum soup, Thai chicken noodle soup, Pad Thai, red curry with duck and pineapple, tuna steak with ginger and chives, soft shell crab in black pepper sauce to name a few favourites. Even the western food blew us away. What my boyfriend described as the best lasagne he ever had oh and the best burger, best pizza it was absolutely outstanding. One night we even stumbled into an English place and enjoyed good old pie and chips.

I got so carried away writing this I have decided to do a little piece on each place. Although no one actually reads my friggin blog anyways but you never know will tag on twitter as hopefully it may be useful to someone or inspire people to go woo hoo.

Why does passion die

2012-02-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

Why when we meet someone new do we find them so damn irresistible that our thoughts are filled with constant filthy images of them, the instant attraction of tearing off each other’s clothes in a slobbering hot grabby way that still doesn’t fill the urgency you have for one another.

The need to feel their naked body against yours and one time just isn’t enough there has to be more, more than once in a day let alone a week.

The dirty messages..... what happens to them? They fade away with the thoughts and the actions of a longevited couple. Where does it go and why does it stop.

I'm sure some people have longer passion periods than others, maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe even years if we’re lucky. Our feelings are now much stronger for that person we have a bond, a connection, a solid foundation so it doesn’t make any sense why our passion dies down, why doesn’t it evolve like our relationship – as relationships grow passion diminishes.

We don’t feel the need to tell them what we wanna do to them when they get home or how much we absolutely love making love to them. We don’t go upstairs every time we meet up with them and it’s not the first thing on the agenda.

Where does it go and how do we find it again? Can we find it again?

Ok so it’s been replaced with a real love a deep meaningful respect and sharing of one’s lives, it’s blossomed from lust to love. Isn’t that a good thing?

It’s almost like a fact of life everyone knows if you’re married or got kids it probably isn’t happening.

It comes to us all. The natural course of any relationship is one of lust to love and then we close the chapter of the sex files and become content lying in our lover’s arms knowing it’s not just lust its love............

The Sunset

2012-01-21T01:48:00.000-08:00

I sometimes look to the sunset and wish I could transport to the very point where the clouds meet and there is so much colour spreading, spreading fast from blue to grey from pink to orange, a hint of green with a murky cloud lurks.

I want to be the colour, I want to be the sky, I want to be lost in that sunset spinning spinning fast. I imagine my best moments will be hidden behind the contrast and here I will live out my days changing and looking beautiful at every second, slowly slowly slipping away going down but to me it would feel a lifetime and I’d disappear with the happiness of all that is good and pure.

Gone gone but not forgotten.

Those that moan will moan forever

2012-01-20T12:56:00.000-08:00

A little pet hate may I share. The moaners and groaners we all know some.

We come across it all day everywhere we go from minor spats about what a bastard our boss is to long droans about our miserable good for nothing other halves. The expensive coffee and the one sausage on our sandwich we paid £4.00 for. To the extent of being stuck in the same low paid jerk stained job for 10 years yes that is worth a moan I am sure.

No matter how fortunate we are we all do it.

My gripe is that if something is bothering us really bothering us. Why don’t we sort it out?

We only go round this world once and I’m fucked if I will stay anywhere or with anyone when I am not happy. Sounds selfish huh? Another little thing I have learnt is that you should look after number 1. Only you can do it. It’s quite empowering if you think about it. If you really sit and consider how much you are truly in charge of your own life.

No one ever takes the plunge. The only outlet is to moan about it acknowledge that there is a problem but never do anything about it.

If we put our minds to it, it is surprising what's in our control. Admittedly some things are beyond us like death, serious illness, redundancy and true love.

The minor moans just take guts. We moan about our jobs but we are not even looking for a new one. We hate the way we are treated by our boss but have never told him/her. We’re unhappy in our relationships but we stay because we think there isn’t anything else or that it’s the right thing to do.

If we’re thoroughly that unhappy with something what is the worst that can happen if we try and change it. That we become more unhappy? That’s about it but what could happen is that we finally find our happiness and even if it doesn’t unwrap like a shiny new red Ferrari in a white bow we did it and we made the choice ourselves we took a risk.

We will feel good about ourselves and want to make more positive changes in our life.

Why wait till tomorrow.

January Blues

2012-01-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

I realise I am by no means alone here. Aren't the suicide stats higher in January?

It is for most people one of the most depressing times of year. Unless you had a really shitty last year in which case you will relish in the new year and be glad to put a close to the last. For those people very good luck to you. For the most of us we go back to our mundane lives and our routine jobs and begin to strive for the next holiday.

I plan to change my life this year in some way for the better. I need to get out of this office work before my soul dies completely. The first few months of this year will involve much research on how to do that.

I’m done with settling and yes I know I am particularly lucky but I want more and why the fuck shouldn’t I.

My greatest desire in this short life is that I am happy. Lucky for me I am easily pleased with the simple things.

I am seriously thinking of moving to Bulgaria for good which involves giving up work altogether.

This year is the year to grab life by the balls and take charge of what was rightly given to us at birth.

My first blog in quite some time

2012-01-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

I’ve been in Thailand the past 4 weeks more details of that to come later.

The holiday was everything I had hoped and envisaged spending every second of every day in a Thai soaked bubble with the man I love.

Now that I am back I am absolutely deflated by the reality that is my life. The thing is I have a pretty splendid life but in contrast to the past month this one shrivels in comparison. I think it’s the freedom that hurts the most. Having control over your own life every day.

I returned to England Thursday evening, Friday I could barely speak, Saturday was a little better - retail therapy. Sunday was just a lull of miserable seconds ticking away counting down to my 9pm bedtime. I couldn’t help crying but it didn’t make me feel any better.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this but it will be better when we can put the holiday behind us and sink back into a routine as right now it is truly saddening me just to wake up in this country let alone go into work and make like I want to be there when I can think of 2,332 other places I would rather be.

I was originally positive whilst I was still there telling myself this year would be better than the last but obviously now I am back I am desperately trying to feel that way again.

You Only Live Once

2011-12-04T02:43:00.000-08:00

How serious can we be with ‘Live for now’, ‘Live for the moment’, ‘Treat every day like your last’, ‘You only live once’ (My fav) etc etc. I'm all for doing that but we kinda know that it is not our last. So that arsehole of a mood that comes over us every Monday when we have to go back to work just won’t shift cause we known damn well we will most likely have to do it for the next 25 fuckin years. URGGGHHH.

Sometimes it is a useful excuse to shun responsibility and do a selfish thing or behave recklessly and worry about the consequences the next day (when you’re shamefully still alive). It’s an excuse to have fun and be spontaneous. Like for example staying out until 7am when you have a flight to catch at 10.30am then lying down for just a second and sleeping through all of your alarms and the hotel staff banging on the door. Then waking up when your plane is taking off without you. Oh no that’s just stupidity my mistake sorry.

Shall we spend that last £100 we have after work on Thursday on Tequila shots and Drambuie and big breasted strippers (the last one is just for effect) when we know the gas bills need paying and the phone bill and the car needs taxing. Why the fuck not we could be dead tomorrow. But then we aren’t!!

I love to be irresponsible if I'm honest. I like to be naughty and I like to push things farther than necessary. But we can’t do this forever, at some point we need to take charge of the lives we may very well need in the future. The lungs we will need, brain, kidneys, body that has been so beautifully abused for so long. We need to make something of ourselves we cannot rely on someone else taking care of us. Our parents won’t be around. I don’t have any children (I might be irresponsible but I am also clever) I don’t have a pension, a mortgage, savings.

The only person I can count on to look after me when I retire is me. It’s a saddening thought but the coasting is over. To be honest I've made many attempts already at ‘being a grown up’ I had a mortgage since being 20, I was married, I even owned a business two years on (please see above).

Saying all of this my friend died of leukaemia at 21, I know lots of people who have died in car accidents or have randomly just dropped dead at 30 years old in full health.

I was watching LA Ink the other day and well I know it is all very dramatic but also I do think it is true. Some girls sister who had no previous signs of death looming died suddenly one night of a brain aneurism.

So my point is this shit really happens and all of these sayings do have some logic in this life.

I think the trick is to be the best you can be and live the fullest life you can. Try and do all of the things that you want and have a goal to reach. We cannot live our lives like each day is the last because it just isn’t viable but we can try and appreciate what we do have and make the most of it. If you’re not happy make the changes you can that are within your grasp to make you as happy as you can be with what you have been given. Don’t forget you are more than likely going to have a future so think about that future now again. You want to be happy forever not just for today. Yes take risks, yes have fun, yes be irresponsible. So long as you don’t hurt anybody take what you can and do everything you can. Take all opportunities you never know where they could lead. Break routine. Try new things. See as much as you can.

Live today for tomorrow.

I have a dream

2011-12-02T02:23:00.000-08:00

Of course I have a dream I'm no different. Well I like to think I am but aren't we all special in some kind of way!

My real dream which will never ever come true is to be filthy stinking rich. Not born rich cause then I’d be a twat but to have inherited or had a lottery win or have found bags full of £100 pound notes buried in my back garden. Dare I say have been spawned by Simon Cowell or Richard Branson oh no that does not comply with the above rule.

When I was younger I was expecting to develop special powers. By the time I reached 18 I’d given up hope.

My ambition now is simply to ..................... write a book. Not just any old book but one that is good enough for ‘others’ to read. Good enough to be published and good enough to pay me enough money to perhaps try it again.

I know this could be impossible but I am getting closer than just talking about it at least. I'm making more time to do some writing and although I don’t have anything near I have at least put 75,000 words together. I would say I've maybe another quarter to go and then hundreds of edits.

The problem I have is I work 8 hours a day and 3 of those days I travel 60 miles into work and 60 miles back. I have a lovely boyfriend too I have to feed and nurture etc. I also like to get my hair wet now and again. Is that even a saying?

It’s my first attempt so of course I think it stinks big sweaty homeless balls. I didn’t want to write this book as though I was the main character and for some fucked up reason I decided to write it as the third person. I made it hard for myself. Now I realise that the character is me, I fuckin well thought her up. Also what’s wrong with me being me after all. I can see some major rewriting having to take place. God fuck shit and bollocks.

I am going away for a month in two weeks time so I’ve deflected from all of this. I intend to spend many a sunburnt afternoon dreaming up new ideas. I do dream yes but I also know that I may have to write 12 effing books before I am any good or before anyone takes any notice of me so why not while away the sun soaked hangovers with some constructive story ideas for the future. I know I will probably need them.

Same Time, Same Place

2011-11-26T07:38:00.000-08:00

We all get that feeling every now and again that our lives are mundane and need a shake up, especially at this time of year. People are depressed either by Christmas itself or the thought of another repeat of the last 12 months. Everybody has that New Year goal they strive for in January and let’s face it most of us never change a damn thing.

I for one am fed up of waking up at 5.30am and travelling into work albeit I am one of the lucky ones and because of said routine am allowed to work from home Mondays and Fridays. Quite frankly I’d have given up long ago had I not had this grace.

It’s coming onto 15 years that I’ll have been supposedly making my way in the world, working my way to the top. I remember when I was always the youngest in the office. There was a time I had no problem in authority I was happy to be told what to do by my peers, by my elders.

Unfortunately for me I’m getting old now and it is approaching a time where ‘they’ are letting university students 22, 23 year olds come in and manage me because obviously they know better I’ve only done this for 15 years, what do I know.

Yes I am bitter and yes I am ageist. I am happy for the students to be given a chance of course I am but I’ve worked hard all of this time for some snot face to come in and be my manager. Excuse me for wanting to grow up quickly and not wanting to get into debt. Spending years pissing my student loans up a wall, having meaningless one night stands and fighting with my so called roommates. Ooopss did I stereotype. I wanted to work and I wanted to work hard. Looks like I made a cruddy choice.

I am too old to study now it would take me 6 years to do a degree now and cost me many thousands of pounds that no one will lend me and let me pay back when I am some 50 year olds manager. No.

Well I’ve had it. It is time. I need to change my life before it is too late. It is only going to get worse. As I say I do not dismiss these students deserve a good job but please also give us hard workers a chance too. I’ve been at a company now for 21 months as a temp I am not allowed to apply for my own job (which of course a student took), I am not allowed to apply for any jobs there. Neither would I be considered as a manager because clearly 3 years of writing essays and doing a few presentations makes them better than me. Sorry was that harsh.

I don’t even want to be a manager, nor do I want a permanent job at this place. I’d like to be given the choice though.

Fed up of office politics, people who don’t want to talk to you, people who talk to you but don’t really want to. I know I am asking a lot but we spend more time with these people than the ones we love and care for. Would it be that hard to just be nice to each other, maybe even talk a little, maybe even say good morning without any prompting. Is it that naive of me to think our colleagues could be our friends?

So in view of the above I’ll be looking for a new job next year along with a complete career change.

Although see future blogs re Bulgaria!!

How thick am I

2011-10-21T06:29:00.001-07:00

I had to help my boyfriend out at weekend with a charity event. I asked for calculators to be provided because I no longer ever have to add up in any kind of way to get through this life so my maths skills are lost in the 1990s and I haven’t seen them since. The thing was that I didn’t need the calculator until a huge queue had formed and my tiny brain went to meltdown. 2 x 50p and 2 x 65p add together er £2.30 right. I couldn’t do it. Then I couldn’t seem to do it on the calculator for some reason I eventually plucked out a random close by figure and the customer paid and went away. I felt so stupid having to use a calculator in front of all these people that I actually lost the ability to use the dam thing. There goes my chance of ever going on X Factor!

I’m a total wreck. I haven’t had to serve people for 15 years. I probably wasn’t all that good at it then come to think about it. I once dropped a knife from the top floor of the restaurant I worked in luckily no one was dining at the time.

Women Id rather be.....

2011-10-15T04:14:00.000-07:00

In no particular order.

Angelina Jolie

I always forget how jaw droppingly beautiful she is until I see her again. Just watched Salt and wow even in her Russian spy fully clothed character she is truly stunning. I remember seeing her when I was younger in Gia where she was a model and I thought who is this woman. Would be her in a blink. Gorgeous.

Drew Barrymore

I don’t really know what it is about her. She is one of those people you just love.

She has such a lovely face that appeals to everyone of all thoughts. You wanna be her friend, you wanna route for her, you wanna take care of her. If I was a bloke I’d wanna marry her cause she is lovely. She has this quirky thing going on that is different to other celebs. Love her.

Kate Hudson

She has got this major natural beauty going on that is so cute and yet so sexy. I defy anyone to find an ugly picture of her. She is a stunning natural beauty. A bit like drew she also appeals like she could be your best friend. I appreciate a lot of this shit is down to characters they play but dam you gotta admit they have friendly faces.

Liv Tyler

Innocent – beautiful what else can I say except maybe check out Aerosmith 1993 vid Crazy. I bet she doesnt look like shit when she wakes up in the morning.

Megan Fox

Sex appeal. HOT. I’d do her.

When I post this don’t get the impression I’m a bad egg, a heffer, disfigured or in any way a hard core lesbian. I’m just jealous of these bitches. There fit, fuckable, filthy rich, photogenic, talented and seriously would you ever get bored looking in the mirror at yourself!

If I am completely honest with the world I suppose I don’t aspire to be the Drew Barrymores or Kate Hudsons of this world I wanna wreak of steamy hot admiration. May everyone that meets me picture me naked cause I’m so smoking hot. I wanna be top dog Ang. I wanna be a natural beauty. I wanna have that kick ass pout and confidence oozing every sweat particle. If I took a shit in front of the world dam Id still look fucking sexy. Yeah that is what I want.

I’d rather have an arse that was pert and small. Don’t get me wrong men tend to love my arse for some reason. Im a 10/12 depending on how much effort I put in. But personally I don’t like it I hate my own ass. I’m quite proud of my rack if I am to admit this but even that has its faults. Its decent in all its glory and in all its covers but I’m top heavy not perky. When I say top heavy don’t get excited I mean I have enough to fill a good bra and express a serious amount of cleavage but let loose a couple of pencils could easily find a new home.

8 Weeks to Thailand

2011-10-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well I promised myself when it got to this time I would put in some hard core training and some serious dieting.

At present I eat like a bloke and since moving house have done feck all exercise for two months.

I have to spend a month sorry STOP I choose to spend a month semi naked parading the back packing islands of the land of smiles. This needs to be done if one has any self respect.

I’m a bad 10 a good 12. I aim to be a good 10 bad 8. You know what I’m saying girls.

Me and my fella eat like we’ve been kept in a cellar for 6 months and at the dinner table you would think someone just let us out cause he inhales it in a few minutes and I take 45mins to savour each bite.

No more mother fucker.

All the recipes I make are generally for 4 people but we eat that in one night. So for starters food cut in half. I don’t know how I’m not the size of a small elephant. Secondly 100 sit ups every day for 7 weeks.

Spent a fair few years doing Muay Thai with a fantastic Thai trainer. Never competed or anything but got all the basic moves down and my garden punch bag will take the brunt of my bikini phase. I’ve got all kinds of things lined up including asking my bof to drop wey heavy books on my tummy due to lack of medicine ball. I’ve got 3 tyres in the garden I’m sure I can make something fun up to do with those.

Bring on the lettuce leafs suckers. (I’m joking I’d never eat lettuce leafs unless they were under a bap and a beef burger!

Why are people such cunts?

2011-10-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

I’ve encountered two of them today the first who thought that the world revolved around her. When we invited her to come in for an interview she replied with” Can’t I come in at 3.20?” I explained that all times had been set and we don’t offer candidates alternative dates and times.

Between you and me can you imagine if I just emailed candidates and said “Yo, what time U wanna come in for your interview compadre? Can you imagine me trying to arrange all the candidates needs in conjunction with 3 panel members diaries and room bookings. No you can’t you stupid twat that is why we tell YOU what time you come or you DONT come.

She responded with a shit faced arsy message that pretty much said do we not consider that people will have other commitments and make it more flexible for the candidates.

OMG I think someone must have spent her entire life wiping her arse for her and putting food in her mouth cause she is obviously too selfish and thick to do it herself.

So hang on there, other commitments, don’t you think the directors and managers that are interviewing you have other commitments?

Why do people think the world owes them something. FUCK OFF it does not and neither do I.

These things take planning and go through processes and other actual candidates have been invited too it is not JUST YOU. Why should you get to pick when you come in. Get to fuck idiot.

Breathe.............

It didn’t stop there.

I sent a very polite email asking a member of staff based in another office (thankfully for her head) if she could help me by telling me what dates she had been absent as it was not clear from the form she had supplied. Also I couldn’t find her sick note at this point in time and said it would be most helpful to me if she could let me know the dates she was off.

She replied:-

I gave the sick note to you its on there.

Then she sent me another one.

Oh and I already gave you the form you asked me for it already ‘name’

I swear to god if she had been in that office and a machete was close by to me she would have no fucking head. I was /am seething with burning rage fiery anger I can see blood.

Who died and made you the biggest tosser in the world.

I mean who the fuck talks like that and I don’t even know the CUNT. Using my name. There is something seriously patronising, sarcastic and rude about those messages. I can’t express how angry I was. My initial thoughts were putting her head through a glass window would be nice. I can also see a sledge hammer and her tied to a chair toes broken screams of agony begging to take back that message. Is that a bit harsh?

I was asking a fellow colleague to be helpful but obviously that was a mistake.

I was asking her when she had been absent cause the stupid twat hadn’t filled in the form properly. So it did not say when she returned to work or how many days she had been off. I am not fucking psychic I need to know when she came back.

Even when I found the fucking sick note I still need to know when she came back because she could have come back to work early.

God I hate people.

Sulky

2011-10-12T13:25:00.000-07:00

Couldn’t sleep. Bloody wind blowing through all the frickin windows my boyf has open. Plus my mind seemed to be full and needed emptying. As I wriggled around in the fuck loud squeaky bed of ours I wondered about him and her and what had really happened.

Then I went back and forth with website ideas that could make me a billionaire after watching the film The Social Network.

I finally got up at half 5 which is nothing new quite frankly although it is for a Monday morning only to find that some bastards had already thought up my winning website ideas.

So now I have to actually do some work today.

Feeling like crap and even the hotel I have booked in Bangkok last night has not cheered me up. Please note it was £16 a night and has a pool!! What a miserable tit I am.